Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
