Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You're like the curious george of whores
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When are your genitals available?
The Olympian is in my bed
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
