Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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