that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
