when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
