Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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