My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize