Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Say something about gay babies.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
