No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
