I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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