she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this beer tastes like vomit already
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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