my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
