My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have feelings that need drinking.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
