i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
