he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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