Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
