I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
