After last night, I could never be a politician.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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