you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
