she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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