pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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