But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
