i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize