I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
