You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
His nipple licking is glorious
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