It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
