Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
