it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
