Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
