she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The power of my boobs compel you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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