We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
