sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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