I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
...so i touched it.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
