If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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