My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
