he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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