You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
