whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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