yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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