its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
vagina is talking i cant
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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