Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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