So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
