What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
