I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
