I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Even my vagina gasped.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize