It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
