All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have demons in me.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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