she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
