Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
