OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
