He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
