I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize