i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
me + whiskey = a bad person
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
