Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
