I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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