Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
