I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think my vagina is haunted
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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