And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
