I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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