Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
