Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize