How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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