hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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