It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
