and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He? As in you personified your dick?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
